How do you feel?
by Sakka04
Summary: Hello! this is my first IY posting! yay! anyway, this is a REALLLLYYY long poem i wrote about SesshouMaru-kun's life...please R&R! thankx, Sakka


A/N: hey everyone! Wuzzup? Here is another of my poems... hope you like it.  
It's about SesshouMaru as a boy and what he feels as he grows up. For all  
those who have no idea what Inuyasha is.. don't bother reading this..(I'm  
talking mostly about my poet friends on this site. Even though this is a  
poem, it doesn't mean you'll understand it. It's good anyway!) But to all  
that do understand... please R&R! w/love, Sakka  
(P.S.: if you cannot stand angstness, depression, and slight romance, don't  
torture yourself and read this. I wrote this extremely sad fic because that  
is how I think SesshouMaru feels and lives his life. If that ISN'T how he  
feels then, I'll be darned!! He sure is good at hiding his true feelings!  
hehe... whelps enjoy!)  
How do you feel?  
"How do you feel?"  
She asked me as she held me  
Her calm amber eyes looked to the sky  
Her scent soothed me  
And I was glad  
To have her as my mother  
"I am... happy." I reply.  
I look to her smiling  
Wishing with all my heart  
She will always be there  
For me like this  
Because I love her  
How do you feel?  
These four pleasant words  
Imprinted in my mind  
I will never forget  
And I don't want it  
To go away and leave me  
How do you feel?  
I hear those words  
Everyday as I grow older  
My dear sweet mother  
Watching and comforting me  
With her kind smile  
How do you feel?  
But alas, some things  
Just don't last  
My mother reminds me  
As the days grow colder  
And I grow weary  
How do you feel?  
She was alone  
All by herself  
Without me by her side  
When she fell down and closed  
Her eyes for the last time  
How do you feel?  
Humans had surrounded her  
I heard her scream  
And I rushed to her side  
But to no avail  
She was already gone  
"How do you feel?"  
My father asks of me  
As he stands beside  
Her grave, not looking at me  
But down at her final  
Resting place calm but sad  
How do you feel?  
I run those words through  
My mind again, words I  
Will never hear from someone  
Like her because those words  
Died along with her  
How do you feel?  
The pain runs deep  
As my eyes close tightly  
And I do not answer  
Because it hurts too much  
But my father understands  
How do you feel?  
I remember her face  
So beautiful it was in  
The sunlight and moonlight  
Her voice was soothing to the  
Ear and her touch so calm  
How do you feel?  
I will never forget her  
But it is the same with  
The pain I feel and  
I do not wish to feel  
This ever again  
How do you feel?  
And so from this day  
Forth I vow to close  
My heart from the world  
Never to feel compassion for  
Anyone to protect myself  
How do you feel?  
These days go by  
Just me and my father  
Together and alone but  
Something is wrong  
My father cannot stand it  
How do you feel?  
I ask myself as I learn  
My father has left me  
For awhile in hopes  
To find a new mate  
To drive the loneliness away  
How do you feel?  
I feel empty and shocked  
As my father reluctantly  
Announces the pregnancy  
Of the human he had found  
And mated with on his search  
How do you feel?  
I imagine my sweet mother  
Who is long dead and gone  
Breathe these four simple words  
To me as I look upon the  
Face of my younger brother  
How do you feel?  
He has strange ears and his  
Eyes are closed but I  
Know their color already  
I don't understand what  
Is this feeling inside of me?  
How do you feel?  
I am feeling hate toward  
My own brother although  
I know I shouldn't  
But my mother is gone  
And my father has moved on  
How do you feel?  
This brother of mine  
Half human half demon  
Half weak half strong  
But to me it all seems  
That it is his entire fault  
How do you feel?  
It's his and his mother's  
His filthy human mother  
How dare she steal my  
Father away and bear a child  
And leave me to be all alone?  
How do you feel?  
My life is a wreak  
Feelings surround me  
That I never dreamed of  
Feeling before but these feelings  
Are changing me – becoming me  
How do you feel?  
I blame the hybrid and his  
Mother for all my misery now  
Their attraction has changed  
My father -- he has forgotten me  
Now I am truly alone  
How do you feel?  
I have no choice – I must  
Leave my father or my misery will  
Become the better of me and I  
Will be forced to cause more  
Tragedy to this family and I do not wish to  
How do you feel?  
My father objects to my idea  
As I slowly tell him he does not  
Want to lose me his only  
Remembrance of my dear departed  
Mother but I tell him I must  
How do you feel?  
I watch as his facial expression  
Goes slowly from calm to angry  
To desperate but I will be strong  
He has forgotten me and moved  
On to other things and so must I  
How do you feel?  
My father reaches his hand  
Out to me and calls my  
Name desperately with a sad  
Look upon his face but he  
Cannot stop me I am already gone  
How do you feel?  
Here I stand alone completely alone  
With naught but a toad by my side  
One of my dear mother's most  
Trusted servants although  
I do not know why  
How do you feel?  
A year goes by and my father calls  
Me to him once again as he  
Did those days long ago  
When we were a true family although  
My mind refuses my heart does not  
How do you feel?  
I go to him almost willingly  
And thankfully and his presence  
Bring up memories of old both  
Happy and sad and my mind starts  
To regret my visit; my angst heart stirs  
"How do you feel?"  
He asks of me as he welcomes  
Me back to my home and I do not  
Look at him as I bow my head and  
Answer him with an obvious  
Lie – "I am fine, Father."  
How do you feel?  
He talks to me quickly  
And I understand why  
He knows how hard it is  
For me to return home because  
This is where my heart had died  
How do you feel?  
I watch and I listen  
He speaks of a sword  
That had been made of  
Him and unexpectedly I become  
Very interested for some reason  
How do you feel?  
He pulls out the sword  
And beckons me to him  
My heart beats faster  
It knows what is coming  
And suddenly my head spins  
How do you feel?  
I walk to his throne  
Expecting the worst  
As I kneel down before him  
And bow my head  
I shut my eyes tightly  
How do you feel?  
I am surprised  
He does not strike me  
Instead he tells me to stand  
I conceal my shock as best I can  
As he hands me the sword and a sheath  
How do you feel?  
So this is the sword  
Given to me by right  
And blood my only piece  
Of my father I keep  
To remind me of him  
How do you feel?  
My father mocks me  
My heart is cold  
The sword does not cut  
It has no purpose  
It is worthless to me  
How do you feel?  
I go on my way  
A week has passed  
The castle is attacked  
Vicious and powerful  
Ugly reptiles these dragons  
How do you feel?  
I rush to my father's aid  
He is not strong enough to  
Defeat the beasts and I have  
Come too late once again  
He is gone and our home is destroyed  
How do you feel?  
Blinded by anger  
Pain and suffering  
I unleash the full extent  
Of my terrible fury  
And slay the damned beasts  
How do you feel?  
Using my father's claw  
I bind them to their death  
The dragons have killed my  
Father and there he lays  
So still upon the ground  
How do you feel?  
I kneel at his side  
Anger is filling my being  
I cannot see, cannot feel  
True passion dies within me  
My heart solidifies coldly  
How do you feel?  
My senses tingle  
My father is disappearing  
All that is left is an  
Orb of dark light  
It flies away from me  
How do you feel?  
Desperately I go to  
Chase the orb that is my father  
No expression on my face  
In this state that is truly  
Quite impossible  
How do you feel?  
The orb is too fast  
I cannot keep up  
It is running away from me  
It fears my power and I laugh  
For I know why  
How do you feel?  
My sword cannot cut  
Tenseiga is useless  
But I know what is in the  
Orb, my father's grave  
I must find it soon  
How do you feel?  
The orb contains  
The most powerful sword  
Ever forged and I must wield it  
Although my father did not entrust  
It to me but to my filthy half-breed brother  
How do you feel?  
He is not worthy of such a power  
So now I go in the dark  
To find the orb of black light  
My anger flares as my  
Search leads me to the ones I hate  
How do you feel?  
It is InuYasha and his mother  
I despise their very existence  
If not for them my father would  
Still be alive for he died protecting  
Them and their worthless lives  
How do you feel?  
I meet the human and her bastard son  
Demanding the whereabouts of  
My father's grave because I need to know  
She refuses to answer my question  
As she protects her son from me  
How do you feel?  
I talk to her with a voice that  
Seems much too old, much too cold  
For me but I matters less  
All my years of pain has brought  
This indifference; pain caused by her  
How do you feel?  
That is just as well, her defiance  
To me she will soon regret  
And I will be able to avenge  
My pain I have held for so long  
As I ruthlessly end her pathetic life  
How do you feel?  
I watch as she slowly falls  
Dead before she could scream  
Dead before she hits the ground  
The boy's eyes are wide and staring  
As he looks on in horror  
How do you feel?  
He runs to her side  
Crying, begging  
Trying to wake her  
He is a fool  
She is dead  
How do you feel?  
He turns to me sadly  
Tears flowing down his face  
Asking, demanding  
My reason and purpose  
Anger in his eyes  
How do you feel?  
He does not understand  
Wouldn't understand  
Why does he speak?  
How can he dare?  
My eyes fly into an angry glare  
"How do you feel?"  
He yells out the question  
Blood on his face  
How do I feel?  
Now that I've killed her  
Taken away his happiness  
How do you feel?  
I glare harder at the boy  
Yelling, "You wouldn't  
Understand!" as I ran at him  
And flung him into the dark forest  
I melt his mother in my poison  
How do you feel?  
So here we are: two brothers of kin  
Alone in this world with no one to  
Love or anyone to love us but I do  
Not care because compassion is  
Behind me – I do not need it  
How do you feel?  
I roam these forsaken lands  
Searching, still searching  
For the one orb of my father's memory  
And the power hidden deep inside  
Not worthy for a mere half-breed  
How do you feel?  
Over seventy years have passed  
Searching is tiring  
But now I understand  
The orb is hidden in my younger  
Brother's eye; I am almost there  
How do you feel?  
What is happening?  
Why doesn't it come loose to my pull?  
Why does it not come loose to his pull?  
But to the pull of the human girl  
InuYasha carries around  
How do you feel?  
Pain every way  
He's taken my arm  
He's taken my pride  
He's taken the sword  
He will pay for this dearly  
How do you feel?  
Naraku is his name  
And I accept his gifts  
If they are worth keeping  
I will be able to slay InuYasha  
And claim the Tetsusaiga  
How do you feel?  
The sword's power is great  
I almost accomplish my goal  
But InuYasha has outsmarted me  
Again and the gifts are useless  
I have wasted my time  
How do you feel?  
Again I come back  
This time with a dragon's arm  
So powerful it is and once again  
I almost succeed but InuYasha  
Has found the true power of the sword  
How do you feel?  
He almost kills me with the scar  
And I would have gone quietly  
But two things were of fault –  
InuYasha cannot kill me – he is weak  
And the Tenseiga had saved me  
How do you feel?  
I retreat carefully to a heavily  
Wooded area and I rest  
My body is weak and I cannot move  
How long will it be now?  
I close my eyes and wonder  
How do you feel?  
I wake to a bustling in the wood  
Who is this girl?  
What does she want of me?  
I try to scare her away  
Pointless – she does not leave  
How do you feel?  
She does not speak to me  
She must be mute  
She brings me human food  
She is wasting her time on me  
What is this?  
How do you feel?  
Why does she bleed so?  
How did she get her wounds?  
I am curious, but she is strange  
Why does she smile?  
What did I say?  
How do you feel?  
Years pass by  
I still chase reasoning  
My brother still holds my pride  
In his hands but softly  
He ceases to mock me  
How do you feel?  
My memories of old have  
Started to fade away  
Making way for new ones  
Most all pleasant  
But my heart will never forget  
How do you feel?  
It is because of these memories  
I shelter my feelings still  
I will not allow my heart to break  
Into a million pieces again  
And this is why I have not changed  
How do you feel?  
My heart has softened, yes  
But it means nothing  
I live to serve and protect  
Those dearest to me  
........Rin.....  
How do you feel?  
It has been almost been  
Ten years now and she has grown  
I owe her so much than she'll ever know  
In her quiet and soft way  
She has saved me  
How do you feel?  
I care so much for her  
But because of my pain  
I cannot afford to open my heart  
To her for if I was to lose her  
It would certainly be the end of me  
How do you feel?  
So there she waits  
Calm and smiling  
Waiting for me to heal  
She doesn't know  
These wounds cannot  
How do you feel?  
I live in regret  
But I feel it is for the best  
I will stand guard  
Silently watching  
Over her  
How do you feel?  
My thoughts rarely stray  
From the kind little girl  
Who says she needs me  
But the truth is  
I need her more  
How do you feel?  
The day my mother's toad died  
And I could not help it  
I sat in silence, face indifferent  
But inside of me thoughts  
Whirled around so fast I could not think  
How do you feel?  
And then suddenly the sweet  
Young woman grown up so kind so  
Beautiful comes to me eyes closed  
As she wraps her caring arms around me  
My eyes grow wide but soon they calm  
"How do you feel?"  
This young woman asks me  
As she clings to me tightly  
An embrace I somewhat remember  
How is this possible?  
Who does she remind me of?  
How do you feel?  
In all my long years  
I have forgotten this feeling  
Bottled up pain and suffering  
Unleashed in a smile  
Now I remember  
How do you feel?  
She looks so beautiful  
Just like my mother  
Her memory smiles at me  
And I smile back  
It's truly genuine  
How do you feel?  
My heart is melting  
Away are the memories  
Of the pain I've harbored  
For so long and I look at the  
Girl and return the embrace  
"I am... happy." I reply.  
.....A/N: WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! IT'S SO DARN SAD!!!! *sniff* *gasp gasp gasp*  
*sniff* *is crying uncontrollably* *sniff* Isn't it sad? Huh? *sniff* Yes,  
I know. Whelps, please review this poem, it's the least you could do for  
me! I mean, I took all that time typing this out nice and pretty for you  
and you know how long the paper thing and it was on word? TEN FREAKIN'  
PAGES!!!!! So you'd BETTER review me, ya hear? hehe... please? heh...*sigh*  
*sniff* now, if you'll please excuse me.. I have to pull myself together  
'cause writing this was killing me. See I'm a HUGE Ses fan, otherwise I  
wouldn't take so long to write this poem and I wouldn't have made it so....  
heartfelt. So beautiful. It took me a week to write this if I added up all  
the days not including the weeks I usually slacked off and forgot about it.  
If I had worked on it sincerely, I would have posted this a LONG time ago.  
I think I started working on it last month or the month before that...that's  
when I got the idea to start in it in the first place. And one more thing,  
when I started writing out this poem, I was writing it out on PAPER. I  
didn't start typing this out until spring break started. Typing it out took  
me two days, I'd say that's a record for the book 'cause I type  
REAAALLLLYYY slowly, but being on a computer nearly every day has improved  
my typing greatly. Yeah, I know I'm babbling, but will you just hang on for  
a sec? I still have to explain this poem. So this poem starts when  
SesshouMaru was just a little boy. It talks about him as he grows up and he  
– well, he is supposed to be the one talking in the poem. The "how do you  
feel" 's are like one of those "memory" things people do in movies, you  
know, like how they have those flashbacks where people start whispering in  
the background? Yeah, like that. SesshouMaru's just remembering his mother  
saying those "four pleasant words" to him as he grows up. And then we all  
know who the toad is, right? Well, I didn't want to talk about Jaken too  
much because (1) he's an ugly worthless toad and (2) I wanted you to get  
the idea that SesshouMaru was always alone up until he met Rin. Jaken would  
just ruin everything. Like usual. Oh and one more thing, this story sorta  
ends way after the Inu gang defeat Naraku with SesshouMaru's help. It kinda  
talks about InuYasha and SesshouMaru and them forming a little bond by  
working together. But, once again, I didn't want anyone to get in the way  
of the real point of the poem, which was SesshouMaru and Rin getting  
together in the end. (Rin's MUCH older by then... I'd say about maybe 16, but  
that doesn't really help, does it? SesshouMaru's really much older than  
Rin, being as he had sorta raised her. But if Sess is still hot, then,  
baby, it's awright for me!^.^) Anyway, there's a little thing in here that  
sorta bugs me. I read this out to my bro and he asked if Rin was supposed  
to be Sess's mother's reincarnate. NO. I repeat, NO. That's the LAST thing  
I want you to think, SesshouMaru getting' friendly with his mommy's  
reincarnation. That's CRAZY! So NO. Okie, this is taking too long, better  
finish up. Anyway, justa reminder, REVIEW ME! K? Thankx!  
~bbfn – w/love from me to you, Sakka 


End file.
